Joseph # # # # # # ###
Information ## ## # # # August 04
Network ## ## # # # 1 9 9 7
Xmit # # # # # ###
THAT WAYWARD JINX: In the longest jinx-drought yet known to man, this
digest was shockingly offline for 14 Million Seconds -- 162 days, to the
uninitiate. While countless subscribers cast fatalistic glances at their
vacant inboxes and wondered sadly what had become of us, JINX staff were in
fact dashing about the countryside in an alarming attempt to create a
feature-length motion picture! A dim glimpse of our results, under the
intriguing title "Stranger Then Lund" can be glimpsed dimly at
http://www.concentric.net/~grady/pictwe/vid/ -- the long-haired cretin
seen hovering in the background of several pics is none other then my
humble self, while the star of the show is the unaccountable Pictwe. A
"real" website (complete with teasers, plot, script and videoclips) is
promised, bombard <pictwe@concentric.net> with frantic demands for action
and it may soon arrive.
So is *that* what we've been up to? Filming a movie that wasn't (although
bearing much of our trademark weirdness) even about JINX? Well, not just
that... no sooner was the director's cap removed from my bushy brow then I
donned the webmaster's beanie; thus began a slew of long overdue website
creations and sophistications to our windspirit domain -- including but not
limited to the birth of fluxware and the reincarnation of jotbot search.
http://www.windspirit.com/flux/ware/ - cutting edge software for the mac...
http://www.windspirit.com/jotbot/ - javascripted floating websearch tool...
Where was JINX during all this? At the back of my mind and the top of my
heart, to be sure. But in this accursed world of "priorities", sometimes
what's perfectly sensible for one is bad for 500 (on the nose!) stalwart
subscribers. And what better time to change the subject, as we ask:
Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take
to change a light bulb?
A: Exactly Five Hundred:
1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail
list that the light bulb has been changed
7 to share similar experiences of changing light
bulbs and how the light bulb could have been
changed differently.
4 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
17 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about
changing light bulbs.
21 to flame the spell checkers
49 to write to the list administrator complaining about
the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness
to this mail list.
20 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
32 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and
to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb
69 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar,
alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing
light bulbs be stopped.
41 to defend the posting to this list saying that we
all use light bulbs and therefore the posts
**are** relevant to this mail list.
106 to debate which method of changing light
bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs,
what brand of light bulbs work best for this
technique, and what brands are faulty.
12 to post URLs where one can see examples of
different light bulbs
8 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and
to post corrected URLs.
2 to post about links they found from the URLs that
are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs
relevant to this list.
15 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote
them including all headers and footers, and then
add pointedly, "Me Too."
6 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing
because they cannot handle the light bulb
controversy.
9 to quote the "Me Too's" and happily add, "Me Three!"
3 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
24 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion
was meant for, leave it here.
53 votes for alt.lite.bulb.
=->=->=->=->=->=->=->=->=->=->=->=->=->=->=->=->=->=->=->=->=->=->=->=->=->
Q: And how many Microsoft Technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they just make darkness the industry standard. Which reminds me:
~`^~`^~`^~`^~`^~`^~`^~`^~`^~`^~`^~`^~`^~`^~`^~`^~`^~`^~`^~`^~`^~`^~`^~`^~`~
You've been waiting in line 45 minutes, and you're so hungry you could eat
a small horse. Your waiter finally approaches, thanks you for staying on
hold, and asks, "Where do you want to sit today?" When he brings you your
meal, it sports a holographic copy-protection sticker and a list of eating
instructions. Is this a lost episode of the twilight zone, or just another
meal at...
** THE MICROSOFT RESTAURANT **
Customer: Excuse me, waiter?
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bob and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to
be the problem?
Customer: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Look again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Customer: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork
instead.
Customer: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there...
Waiter: Perhaps the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What kind of bowl
are you using?
Customer: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem. How
was the bowl set up?
Customer: You brought it to me on a saucer. What does that have to do with
the fly in my soup?
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in
your soup?
Customer: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest version of your Soup?
Customer: You have more than one version of Soup of the Day each day?
Waiter: Yes, a new Soup of the Day is released every hour.
Customer: Well, what's the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is Tomato 3.4516b3.
Customer: Fine. Bring me the Tomato Soup and the cheque. I'm very late
now and I have to get going.
[Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.]
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your cheque.
Customer: This is Leek Soup.
Waiter: Yes, the Tomato Soup is currently being tested.
Customer: Tested, why...?
Waiter: Well, under certain circumstances it would explode.
Customer: But isn't the Leek Soup just warmed-over leftovers from yesterday?
Waiter: Of course not, sir, we've upgraded it with the latest spices.
Customer: Never mind, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
[Waiter exits.]
Customer: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
+/+\+/+\+/+\+/+\+/+\+/+\+/+\+/+\+/+\+/+\+/+\+/+\+/+\+/+\+/+\+/+\+/+\+/+\+/+\+/
Hm, did he say gnat, or Mac? Do we care? And more importantly -- does Intel?
Inside Intel
************
A lady began work at a rather large semiconductor company, namely Intel,
and received a tour of various facilities involved in the chip-making
process. When touring the chip-stamping area (where they place the "Intel
Inside" logo on all the chips), this person immediately noticed that unlike
the rest of the place (which ran on PCs), this area ran on Macintoshes.
When she queried the guide about this, he responded, "Well, they were the
only computers that could create and place the logo correctly."
<-+->=<-+->=<-+->=<-+->=<-+->=<-+->=<-+->=<-+->=<-+->=<-+->=<-+->=<-+->=<-+->
Ah, sigh. Makes us yearn for the good old days, eh wot? When the cream of
mankind lay innocent and unspoiled by technological monopolists and their
assorted time-saving-devices... When, in truth, the *1919* issue of
Pacific Telephone Magazine contained this excerption:
"Rumors are going the rounds that we shall shortly be fitted with pocket
wireless telephones, with which we can call up Charlie Chaplin and Lloyd
George. Think of going to the movies then! In the most thrilling quarter
of the eighth massive part, just when the lights are down and only a green
spot follows the villain as he creeps across the hearthrug to his victim -
and trips headlong over his trusty bulldog - just then there is a tinkle in
our waistcoats pocket and a voice from another world shrills: 'Come home at
once, John. The furnace fire has gone out!'"
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