Joseph # # ### ###
Information # # # # January 24th
Network # # # # 1 9 9 6
Xmit # ### ###
Well here we are in the second issue of '96, exhibiting that queer human
trait of fascination with the past. Case in point: I am suddenly inundated
with Christmas & new years related things, like these sly unpredictions:
TOP TEN RESOLUTIONS YOU WON'T KEEP IN 1996
10. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get
another 1.44MB disk.
9. I will stop sending email to my roommate.
8. I resolve to work with neglected children...my own.
7. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer
my email.
6. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read
all the mail I get from it.
5. I will stay on the computer as long as I want. What? OK,
dear...I'm coming. Never mind.
4. No more downloads from alt.binaries.*
3. I resolve to back up my new 1GB hard drive daily...well, once
a week...monthly, perhaps...
2. I will spend less than one hour a day on the Net.
1. I won't try to get onto the Netscape ftp site as soon as a new
Navigator beta comes out.
0. When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I won't reply "MS
Tech Support."
-1. I will read the manual.
-2. I will think of a password other than "password."
-3. I will limit my top ten lists to ten items.
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
Ho ho ho... before that rosy holiday glow fades from your cheeks, here's
another heartbreakingly beautiful windows bashing Christmas fable!
MIRACLE ON 604 STREET
It's the night before Christmas and all through my house,
Dad sits with the Mac, he's using the mouse;
Installing new software that should be no risk, and
Hoping the next CD will run from its disc.
When what made my spirits so utterly vexed
Not one, but *two* volumes of technical text!
The developer it seems, could prevent many problems
and keep that fine PC from crashing too often
I chuckled to myself with a sigh of relief
as the problems encountered seemed beyond belief:
Four pages for Windows through version 3.1
and then when I thought that it would be done,
But appeared in bright orange like it might be alive
were FIVE pages for users of Win 95!
I found the instructions for Mac tucked away
In a spot on the quick start without much to say.
Place the disc in the tray then sit down on your bum
Then click on the icon, and go have your fun!
-Actual User Testimony (poetical chap, hm?)
<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>
Okay, wipe that nostalgic look off your face and catch up with the present:
ACTUAL NEWSPAPER HEADLINES
o Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says
o Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
o Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted
o Drunk gets nine months in violin case
o Survivor of Siamese twins joins parents
o Iraqi head seeks arms
o Stud tires out
o Prostitutes appeal to Pope
o Panda mating fails; Veterinarian takes over
o Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
o British left waffles on Falkland Islands
o Eye drops off shelf
o Squad helps dog bite victim
o Plane too close to ground, crash probe told
o Miners refuse to work after death
o Juvenile court to try shooting defendant
o Stolen painting found by tree
o Two soviet ships collide, one dies
o 2 sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter
o War dims hope for peace
o If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last a while
o Cold wave linked to temperatures
o Never withhold herpes infection from loved one
o Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
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Enraged cows with axes -- what's this world coming to? Ach, to be back in
the good old days once more... back then, we really knew what's what,
y'know? Back then, we were in CONTROL of our futures. Back then......
NOT SO ACCURATE PREDICTIONS
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
--Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked
with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is
a fad that won't last out the year."
--The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
--Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
"But what ... is it good for?"
--Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM,
1968, commenting on the microchip
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
--Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital
Equipment Corp., 1977
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered
as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to
us."
--Western Union internal memo, 1876
"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who
would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
--David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for
investment in the radio in the 1920s
"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
--H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927
"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not
Gary Cooper."
--Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in
"Gone With The Wind"
"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
--Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962
"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible."
--Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895
"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment.
The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this."
--Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives
for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads!
"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing,
even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about
funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay
our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So
then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't
need you. You haven't got through college yet.'"
--Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get
Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's
personal computer
"Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and
reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against
which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily
in high schools."
--1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's
revolutionary rocket work
"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil?
You're crazy!"
--Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project
to drill for oil in 1859
"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."
--Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929
"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
--Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole
Superieure de Guerre
"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction."
--Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872
"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
--Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899
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Personally, I think the most foolish prediction goes to Bill and the
Microsoft team for that outrageous claim, "Win95 will work okay". For
proof, we take you to NASA...
At the Johnson Space Center, the Information Systems Directorate (ISD) is
mass-installing Windows 95, bolstered by an extensive "orientation"
campaign. Is the end in sight for REAL operating systems at the center?
Perhaps not, as would-be students were greeted by a small note tacked to
the classroom door:
>>We have had to cancel the... Win 95 orientation classes for this
>>week. We discovered that the computer in the 12/105A conference room does
>>not have Win 95 loaded, and there is some reason why it cannot be loaded.
That's right, Win95 classes were cancelled because Win95 would not load
on the classroom PC. I'd say the lesson is already apparent!
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