<<The Joseph Information Network Xmit -- Volume Three>>
"If Dr. Seuss Were a Technical Writer"
Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say:
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, then your
situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!
You can't say this?
What a shame sir!
We'll find you
Another game sir.
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
######################################################
Speaking of hanging machines (and nice people to hang), did anyone else see
Letterman earlier this week? It was Bill Gates with the malfunctioning
"Windows 95" Quiz machine. They spent the whole show trying to fix it.
hehe. What a laugh. (-InfoMac)
<----------------------------------------------------->
_From Mark.Finney@draco.se.astra.com Mon Nov 27 03:48 CST 1995
Subject: Eno covers
--------/\---------
X-Status:
>Hello
>I was just wondering how many artists have made covers of Eno songs. The
>only one I've heard is Bauhaus's version of Third Uncle. Do other covers
>exist?
>Martin Nilsson
>martin@mittsystem.se
I have a live recording of an Eno cover by the most unlikely of bands -
INXS! Way back in the late '70s INXS were a bit progressive (not entirely unlike
Talking Heads of the time) and live they played a great version of Third
Uncle that I was lucky enough to tape off the radio. I must dig that out
tonight!
mark finney
Lund, somewhere else in Sweden.
-------------------------------
[Yes! It's another Enoite from LUND!!!]
<-+-><-+-><-+-><-+-><-+-><-+-><-+-><-+-><-+-><-+-><-+-><-+-><-+-><-+->
KIDS NEXT YEAR???
The year is 1996. By this time, the American Government's policy of
Social Welfare has been extended to require that any married couple who
has not had a child within the first five years of marriage, must
receive the services of a government man who will attempt to be the means
of the wife becoming a mother.
There are no children in the family of this particular story: much to the
sorrow of the husband, and it is the morning of their fifth wedding
anniversary.
Husband - Well, goodbye, dear, I'm off to the office. I suppose the
government man will be here shortly, computer-printed address and all.
He leaves with his head bowed. The wife pretties herself and powders her
nose just as the doorbell rings. She is expecting the government man, but
instead her caller is a baby photographer who has come to see if he could
interest her in some baby pictures. The following conversation ensues:
Lady: Oh, Good Morning.
Man: How do you do? You probably don't know me, but I represent----
Lady: You needn't explain, Mr.----
Man: Jones is the name, Madame, and I make a specialty of----
Lady: Yes, of course, I know. It's all right. Won't you come in?
Man: Your husband probably told you that----
Lady: Oh, yes, and we both agreed that it is the best thing to do.
Man: Well, in that case I might as well get busy.
Lady: I'm not too familiar with the way you do this. Just where do we start?
Man: Just leave it to me, Madame. I recommend two in the bathtub, one or
two more on the couch, and a couple on the floor.
Lady: Bathtub? Couch? Floor? Good heavens.
Man: Well, my dear lady, even the best of us can't get a good one
every time, but out of six, one is bound to be a honey. I usually
have the best luck with the bathtub shots.
Lady: You'll have to forgive me, but it does seem a little informal.
Man: The charm of the whole thing is the informality. Perhaps you
would like to see some of my work?
Lady: Well, I suppose so ----, after all, there is no hurry, is there?
Man: No, indeed, a man in my line can't do his best work in a hurry.
(He opens his album and shows her.) Look at this baby. It's a good
job. Took four hours, but isn't it a beauty?
Lady: Yes, indeed a lovely child.
Man: But for a tough assignment, look at this job. Believe it or not,
it was done on top of a bus on Fifth Avenue.
Lady: My God.
Man: Well, there a little story behind that. The mother of the child was
a movie actress in need of a little publicity, and did she get it.
Lady: I should think so.
Man: Here is the picture of the handsomest of twins in town. I knocked
that out in Central Park on a snowy afternoon last winter. It took
me from two in the afternoon 'til five. I never worked under more
difficult conditions, with people four or five deep, crowding to
take a look.
Lady: Four or five deep?
Man: Yes people everywhere. Just imagine working more than three hours
under handicaps like that. I even had two cops helping me. I could
have gotten anther quick shot or two before dark, but by that time
the squirrels were nibbling on my equipment and I had to give up. Well,
Madame, if you are ready, I'll set up my tripod and we'll get started.
Lady: Your tripod?
Man: Yes, I always use a tripod to rest my equipment on, as it's too heavy
for me to hold for any length of time, and - Good heavens, she
fainted.........
--
Once again, your intrepid moderator has all the latest musical info needed
to proudly announce,
+WHAT'S IN A NAME PART DEUX+
Erasure - there is some sort of story about the BBC accidentally erasing a
demo tape of theirs, after which, they called themselves Erasure.
Flood - played in an early eighties band The Lambrettas (with Jez Bird on
vocals) before finding fame as a sound engineer, producer etc. Real name is
Mark Ellis (as noted on the 7" on the Flood-produced Erasure single,
"Sometimes".) I believe he also had some doings with John Fryer from
Fad Gadget.
Go West - named after the term "Go west young man..."
It is normally attributed to Horace Greeley (who denied it. But was actually
from a newspaper article by John Soule in 1851.
[how's that for research!]
Happy Mondays - named themselves after New Order's Blue Monday
James -
[all text from an interview in New Zealand music magazine Rip It Up Issue 177,
April 1992]
The band's name itself is a bit of a mystery, many say it comes
from James Kirk, the guitar player for Orange Juice. Others say they're named
after Jim Glennie (bass) himself. "In a way it was both really. Paul
our original guitarist, was a big OJ fan and we toured with them. We were
looking for a name that didn't give anybody any idea of who or what we were,
Tim (singer) would go on stage and recite a poem and people would go
'oh, that's James, he reads poems'. Then he'd do a song, with an acoustic
and they'd go 'oh right, James plays a guitar as well'. Then the rest of the
band would come on - basically just mucking about with people's lack of
knowledge. When we started the punk thing was dying and the new wave bands
like Teardrop Explodes and Echo and the Bunnymen etc were seem as having
these innovative names. So the name James was really a reaction against
that as well."
Very similar to the reasons for the Smiths.
"Yeah, but we came up with it before we'd even heard of the Smiths".
---------------
So there.
---------------
Absolutely JINXed: The previous issue of JINX listed an in depth timeguide
of the greatest television shows to grace canadian airwaves. However, it
has since been made apparent that CBC is in the habit of switching Vacant
Lot & CODCO back and fourth each week with the britcom smash "Absolutely
Fabulous". As there is no real way to project what show will air when, we
at JINX can only advise you to watch CBC at the pre-specified times to get
a (basically random) show from either of these three. Avante!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Winning contributions this week from:
<gpark@smartt.com><emily_fairbanks@revs.iceonline.com><dfong@waikato.ac.nz>
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JINX's third issue was originally broadcast on December 5th 1995,
reaching an estimated 6 people around the globe.
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